My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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