My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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