Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
