I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
