i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
