i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
