I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
