If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
