winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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