College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
