I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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