I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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