just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
