Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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