she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
