Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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