none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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