just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
