get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
