Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
