considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
