so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
