i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
