The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize