defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
