does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
