just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
