i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
