tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
