11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
