Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you win again, gameday.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
