the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
