and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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