if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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