Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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