I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize