I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
