I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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