I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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