some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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