I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
