Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you didnt know i had herpes?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Oh god it's open bar.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
