There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize