Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
