i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
