I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
