can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
