Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize