Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The air was thick with penises
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Randomize
