She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
