i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
