shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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