I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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