thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
