do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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