I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
