It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
