how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
