Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
