That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
