Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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