he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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