my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
