tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
