Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Don't tell me you're on acid again
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
