i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
