so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
