NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
