You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she pinky promised me she was 18
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
