Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
