How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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