super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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