Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
