I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
BRING THE BAGELS
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
