For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
