dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
